August 13, 2003


Has anyone ever woken up one day and wondered what happened to the past four weeks of their life? I feel like I have been on autopilot for a while now. I get up, go to lab, go home, and go to sleep. I haven't taken a day off since Lisa left. Obsessing over work seems to have put me through some kind of time-warp. It feels like Lisa left days ago, not weeks.
I felt very odd today, as though I had been watching myself go through the motions from a third person perspective for a while, and just regained control. I had to stay home from lab so the goddamn Comcast people could come reconnect my cable which was mistakenly disconnected a few days ago. To pass the time while I waited for them to show up for our oh-so-specific 12-6 PM appointment I rented a DVD. Come to think of it, watching Mulholland Drive was probably what set off these feelings of oddness. Something about not being sure which characters were real people and which ones were imagined probably did it. Damn you Lynch! I did enjoy the movie quite a bit though. Very visually interesting and all of that other intelligent-sounding movie review stuff. Did that movie even get good reviews? I'm not even going to bother checking before I post this just in case cool people think it sucked and I sound hopelessly uncool for liking it. Regardless, I will probably at least sound behind the times and therefore uncool since it must have come out a while ago "Oh, you hadn't seen that movie yet? What did you think of (other more recent Lynch film or acclaimed artsy foreign film that you probably haven't heard of)? Oh, you haven't seen it?" Damn I feel cynical today. More than usual.


Posted by doug at August 13, 2003 08:20 PM

(i know you posted this some time ago but still wanted to reply)

lynch does that to ya sometimes. i never saw a single lynchy thing until a year or two ago, and i think that is ok. and people shouldn't roll their eyes about your lack of hip lynch knowledge. first off, loving lynch is undeniably geeky and most of us have plenty of geek-loves on our slate already. secondly, your being new to the guy's work makes your opinion unbiased, fresh and quite possibly interesting. touche.

myself, i fluctuate madly between thinking lynch is really cool, introspective, and loving of his characters (i.e., most of "Twin Peaks" and his movie w/ Disney, "The Straight Story") and thinking he's just a huge bastard. oh well ... i'm sure there are worse things in the world than wanting to throttle a weirdo from time to time.

- Susan of Tacoma
aka Pandas Unite!

Posted by: Pandas Unite at August 14, 2003 09:23 AM

I think the bike project will help with the ennui. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. And being a Carltron lab-monster is definitely a play-less existence. On a different note, I felt Mulholland Drive was a pain in my ass. It was almost like Lynch just wanted to be a smart ass. Like he was sort of mouthing off to me, rather than punching me repeatedly in the eye. Which is what it felt like when we watched that collection of short films that included The Grandmother.

Posted by: Jacob at August 14, 2003 06:30 PM

Oh how the grandmother hurt me. We watched a lot of painful movies around that time, like that goddamn GG Allin movie, or that collection of films by Richard Kern (the guy who directed the Death Valley 69 video for Sonic Youth). I miss Stadium Video, even though many things I got there were horrifying. That guy that worked there even knew about the golum movie where they drop a nuclear bomb on the poor monster who just wants to truck around the English countryside (even though they didn't actually have the movie in the store). Damn. I really want to watch that golum movie again!

Rereading that post a day after writing it has caused me to go into self-psychoanalysis mode. I think it was written as a subconsious protest of the fact that I no longer consider myself hip. Of course, I probably was never truly hip, or at least I pretended to not care about being hip in a secret effort to appear beyond cool by seeming to not care about being cool. Regardless, I was in a band, and that had to count for something. These days, I am no longer in a band, haven't hung out in a coffee shop in ages, spend the vast majority of my time doing science, and spend what little free time I allow myself pulling weeds or mowing my lawn. Most of my insight into what is new and hip comes from the undergrads that I teach how to tell male fruit flies from females or other such practical knowledge. Of course I was always sort of a reactionary when it came to new cool things (remember how long it took me to appreciate electronic music?). This could have something to do with growing up in Chehalis, or perhaps growing up with Brian caused us both to develop in to far more cynical people than we would have been alone. Maybe now that I am so far from being cool and don't make much effort to become cool, I have reached the pinnacle of hipness...but then again, this post clearly demonstrates that I am putting some thought into myself and how cool I am (or am not). This is some kind of recursive logical spiral into hell. STACK OVERFLOW!!!!!! NO CYREX, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I want some raisins. OOOOOH, stream of consciousness, I must be intellectual and hip. Arrrrrrrrrgh, that last comment makes me want to punch myself in the back of the head. The whole idea of this post must be pretentious and obnoxious. Is anyone still reading this? You probably got the point long ago. Wombat caterpillar. dammit. fa;ldkjfd;asdflei

hey that was starting to sound like the lyrics to an A$$ Merchants song. THAT'S IT! I need to compose sarcastic painfully noisy music to get me out of this rut. Who votes yes for a new A$$ Merchants song?

Posted by: Doug at August 14, 2003 11:19 PM

Hey Susan. How is Tacoma these days? Is Doug Herstad or anyone else I knew still around? Do you have a blog? Do you feel interrogated yet?

Posted by: Doug at August 14, 2003 11:27 PM

Vote: yes. GG Allin: dear god no, I had managed to make myself forget.

Posted by: Jacob at August 14, 2003 11:47 PM

second yes vote!

Posted by: michele at August 15, 2003 01:09 AM

yes, i'm still in tacoma! yes doug herstad is still in tacoma! no i don't have a blog (!). uhhhh don't know what else to type. i DO like the phrase "wombat caterpillar" - a lot.

i fret over the whole 'being cool/becoming conscious that i'm doing something cool/feeling pretentious/feeling uncool' cycle myself. y'know what i mean? maybe ya do. but yeah, write music! really bitchy sarcastic shit. i can dig it. yes i can.

p.s. jacob is my new friendster friend. thanks to him, a guy i know from playing CS, and micah shotel, i am now connected to over 30,000 people, most of whom I DON'T KNOW AND WILL PROBABLY NEVER MEET. it's really truly overwhelming. and also certainly hip.

Posted by: pandas unite at August 15, 2003 03:07 PM

SUSAN! MOVE TO SEATTLE, NOW! or at least come visit!

Posted by: Micah Shotel at September 9, 2003 04:08 PM